On Surrendering…and Re-Charging my Batteries

You might have noticed that I’ve been absent from Gaia (…and the rest of the internet, for that matter!) for quite a while!

The reason…

                                                Flat Batteries!

…and plain stubborness!

Having started a retail business – our health shop (Yay!), knowing not what I’ve let myself in for…work, work, work, work, work! after hours, all hours, for the last two years…and integrating it into an already busy business, took its toll. I also got tick bite fever at the beginning of last year that put me just about flat on my back for a month – no work, no earning! Yikes!

…and I’m working with my husband…and living with him! Yikes! Just the two of us (with a teenage son in there somewhere as well)!

But wait! There’s always light at the end of the tunnel:

…thanks to Laura Doyle’s book, “The Surrendered Wife”, especially the chapters on “Take care of yourself first” !!!

…let me repeat that:

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!

                                 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!

                                          TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!

                                                             TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!

If you’re strong willed like me (Scorpio, Yang, etc…), you would be used to doing everything yourself, moaning like hell (sometimes) but doing it anyway (‘cause you CAN!)

This is where the surrendering bit comes in…

If you can do everything, then where does this leave your man…what can he do that makes him feel like a man, if he can’t look after you, or feel like he is? (We’ll leave the male ego for another day…besides, I might have a bigger one, being very yang…)

Maybe, just maybe, instead of telling him what to do all the time, or doing it anyway (‘cause he’s ignoring you, right?) you can

• avoid setting up a negative expectation. Consider the words you use very carefully. Treat him as though he is punctual, patient, tidy or successful and he will rise to meet your expectations, because how you see him influences how he sees himself!
• express your desires. But make sure you are describing an end-result, not telling him how to do it!
• resist taking the bait. Rather have scars on your tongue, chomp down hard! count to 10, 100 or whistle, but don’t give your opinion when he asks, he’d rather have your blessings than your opinion  - he’s the cool guy you dated that can do anything, right? Right! He’s THE MAN! And DON’T do anything for him that is HIS RESPONSIBILITY! RESIST! He can do it, he’s a GREAT GUY! Resist arguing…it’s his problem if he snaps or whines, don’t make it YOURS!
• Listen for the Heart Message. It’s never about what you think. Say “I hear you” and LISTEN. Most men find it difficult to express their emotions.  I.e. “No matter what I do around here, it’s never enough for you?” actually means “I hope you appreciate me. I want you to notice what I do.” etc….

…and all of this is MUCH EASIER if

                           YOU’RE NOT TIRED, FRIED and FRAZZLED!

…which brings us to Taking Care of Yourself First!!!

When you find yourself losing patience with and interest in your husband (or kids, or co-workers), check to see if you’ve been neglecting your self-care.

Make one list of 10 things that you like doing because they’re fun, and another one of 10 things you like doing because you feel good afterwards. Doing at least one or two things from each category every day is a good rule of thumb. Consciously doing 3 things a day to care for yourself is a powerful way to guard against depletion.

Whoopee!

I knew this, so I climbed onto the internet and did things I enjoyed, communicating, writing, reading, designing…

                             ...BURNOUT!!!!

I ACTUALLY needed REST, walking in Nature, SLEEPING, SLEEPING, SLEEPING…

So that’s what I did during the break between Xmas and New Year…I SLEPT! In Nature…under an overhang up a river valley, for 3 nights (got teased to go fetch water just to get out of the sleeping bag!)

...and then some more at home. No TV, no computers, no work, no nothing! I read a bit, and took a hint from my cat…turning over every now and then onto the other side!

…and now I’m BACK! Recharged, reloaded and attuned to the fact that doing too much of anything, is not good for you!

Balance…and a joyful spirit…

                        …and (some) me-time!

                                          Agree to Disagree!