M&I 1.8 Overload & the Illusion of Me…

They say that the people around you reflect back to you who you are…

I’ve always been a goody two shoes, the perfect child, good behaviour, great student, level emotions, everybody liked me, yadeeyadeeya… Definitely in hiding! So guess what happened when I chose to go and live in a pressure cooker?!  I found out I wasn’t such a great person! People started to criticise me, didn’t like me, whoaw…!
I didn’t have a great memory, overloaded myself trying to do everything for everybody, started to make mistakes, couldn’t handle pressure…wheeee! What an eye opener!
I was never a great people person, being very introverted in groups, preferring one-on-one conversations and not liking to be in the spotlight. I was a great listener though and people usually came to me for help to solve problems (mostly with maths). But suddenly I withdrew totally and became very…morose, I think would describe it the best, thinking back!
I now had to deal with all the emotions that were bubbling up because the lid had been taken off. Geezz! I also realised that all the characters that have been floating around in my head  were not such great people, they all had serious problems, a lot of pain and heart sore and, I now knew, were parts of me from past lifetimes! Soldiers, Assassins, Abusers, Victims, Slaves…whoa!!! That’s a lot to deal with!
Luckily I had had a period of awareness when my third eye opened up  and I saw the connectedness of everything and the beauty surrounding me… and my guardian angels. I had help and support! Not just from them, but from the people around me, the teachers and students that helped, guided, nudged, knocked and generally showed me the way to the growth I needed to get through all of this! I had a mirror in my face all the time, nowhere to hide!
At a certain time in my life, I became aware of a yearning to pick up and go, to travel around, in a motorhome, and to write, gypsy style!
When I first got this idea, I was still at school, and ran away from home! I was on my way to the United States (typical teenager, my mother didn’t understand me, etc. etc.) was going to work my way across on a ship (from South Africa)! The friend I did it with though, got cold feet, and after a whole day of walking, across a mountain pass to the town on the other side (no hiking, too dangerous for girls), she called friends, they came to pick us up, and I got the hiding of my life from my frantic mother!!! I had bruises for a week!
The next urge came when I had just started working. I wanted to sell up and go, to follow the local circus to document and write their story. I loved The Circus! The tightrope, the horses, the acrobatics... I can remember doing the most amazing things on a horse’s back! I got as far as interviewing a clown…The Boswell Wilkie Circus has since almost disappeared, television having taken its toll… and Circe d’Soleil has taken it to the next level! (We won’t talk about what the Chinese are capable of!)
I’ve obviously been a gypsy! I didn’t go, but the next time the urge came up, I wanted to volunteer for Dolphin Watch to go study dolphins around the British Isles on a trimaran yacht. I’ve always been interested in dolphins, but that’s another story. My first choice for a career was marine biology, dolphins and whales, but there were not many job opportunities in South Africa, I would have had to go overseas. I ended up doing my third choice because there was money in computers and it seemed the best thing to do!
The last time I got itchy feet, I wanted to go travel around the United States in a motorhome, and write my novel I was busy with my martial art studies, but decided to apply for work on a ship in the Caribbean. I didn’t get in though, not the right qualifications and maybe too old! So I married my chief instructor instead! (Watch this space!) I still have a passion to travel in the US though, to take my son to Disneyworld…
The moral of the story here, as my friend Mr. KnowItAll commented on at one stage, was that I had a choice – to run away to go and look for myself, or to do it the hard way and find myself in whatever I’m doing…

I’m doing it the hard way… Growing at a rate of knots, but it is ROUGH, and I’ve obviously chosen a couple of past lifetime cycles to clear out - A healer in this lifetime – to balance all the killing I’ve done?

I’ve often wondered why I can remember all these parts of me, it can be very confusing to have feelings remnant from some or other other era!

So I decided to tackle them as they came up - one at a time…